I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize