i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
