this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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