and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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