i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
whose parrot is this?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
