Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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