I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
