i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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