It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
