I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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