i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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