Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
