i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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