its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
