Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
