I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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