sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
