Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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