Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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