I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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