she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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