I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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