I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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