so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
