I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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