A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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