no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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