why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
