Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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