he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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