i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
