I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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