I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
zippers are such a cool invention
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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