I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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