I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
