WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
