Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
