so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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