I think I won the penis lottery.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
