Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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