You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
