think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
