i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
