Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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