Are we in a gay sports bar?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
