so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.