My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
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Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.