sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great