At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.