Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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