dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
