The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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