Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
