But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
