Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
