Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
