Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
