mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
