last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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