he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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