is your mom at the bar?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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