also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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