So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
