You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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