I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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