Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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