rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
