I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
