I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
this hospital has no fireball
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
