You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
