so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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