She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
