two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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