the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
