I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you will always have a special place in my vag
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
