i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
