but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
