I'm lost and stupid without you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
