Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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