she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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