the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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