I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
