If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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